Posts Tagged ‘Women’

More Than This

December 28, 2012



Whenever a year gets to this late stage, I just want it to be over.

Because that will mean no more bad news.

Which of course isn’t the case…



Like with this news about an Indian female student who was raped by multiple men inside a bus.

After hearing she was so critical, I began to wonder if she’d make it.

Now, just a few hours later, she’s died.



A nameless girl known to most as “gang rape victim”.

Surely, if this is 2012, we ought to have a lil’ revelation about her real name ?

RIP, nameless one.


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There’s Some Really Sick People In This Town #12

August 15, 2012

Welcome to another instalment of this irregular series of posts about that other side of humanity.



The other day, a pal o’ mine asked a question.

“Why aren’t any (more) posts on the topic of “women” ?”

Well, this here brand new update is all for youse, laddie…



Marriage.

AKA “that perfect day”, can be a stressful thing to go through.

With heaps & heaps of details to consider, plan & carry out, it’s no wonder things get a little hectic if not chaotic.

It’s the kind of pressure that Na Cola Darcel Franklin (a soon-to-be-bride from Whitehall Township, Pennsylvania) must’ve been dealing with.

After all, when you marry it’s supposed to be forever, right ?

& like so many of us for our weddings, she probably wanted to get things just right.

Unfortunately for her, whatever plans, hopes & dreams she had for this big day were all for naught as the whole thing was called off.

Very last moment too as it was on the day of the wedding, just some hours before the ceremony was supposed to take place.

The reason for this was Na Cola Darcel Franklin’s bridegroom & soon-to-be-husband, Billy Rafael Brewster.

Because after he said he wanted to go out to get some food for their guests…



…an argument arose & she stabbed him in the chest with a kitchen knife after which he bled to death 😯



Marriage.

It’s difficult enough when your soulmate’s alive, let alone when he’s dead.

& just in case you think I made it all up, here’s the odd link o’ truth.






I Love You... Until Death


Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That

April 10, 2012



Ok, ladies… whoops, I meant feminists.

What do we want ?

Women’s rights !



Very good.

When do want ’em ?

NOW !



Uh-Huh, & for whooo ?

US !

Yeaaah, & who else ?



…whaddaya mean “who else ?” ?

Well, the term “women’s rights” is sooo exclusive that it’s downright sexist.

So, include men.



Yes, men.

No, not burly, tree chopping, sweaty, hairy men.

But men like Walter Talackova






Girl... Power !






As you can see, there’s been a few changes since the gender reassignment surgery & hormone treatments.

Walter Talackova now goes by the name of “Jenna” Talackova & apparently loves competing in beauty contests.

Sure, a transgender person willingly choosing a name that’s similar to “Geni-tal, Lack Of A” might seem pretty odd but back in the Walter days, it already had “Lack Ova” in there.



Anyhoo, it must’ve been a real… *ahem* drag for this beauty… *ahem* queen to have entered the Miss Universe pageant.

Or rather trying to enter it, as Jenna wasn’t allowed to do so because of the (seemingly logical) rule of all contestants needing to have been born a natural woman.

With a scandal brewing & rights groups pushing the issue in the media After some honest soulsearching, the contest officials on their part decided that the Miss Universe contest would now be open to non-original women too.



But even though I personally have never heard of a… man (???) who’s into waving 24/7 or gives “world peace” as an answer to every question, there’s still the bigger picture to consider here.

At this very moment there are many heterosexual males out there thinking something along the lines of “Yech !” or worse “Yecch !!!” because for them today, the Apocalypse has very much arrived.

Unlike before, they will now no longer feel safe to automatically lust after Miss Universe contestants & fear they might become tranny chasers.



To all those men, let me ask you a question: “Don’t you think it’s intolerant of you to treat her differently ?”

Now, you might think: But what about the fake eyelashes, artificial nails, filler injected lips, breast implants, hair extensions, etc. ?

Weeelllll, yeah ok… but I think Jenna will fit in perfectly with those women.






Source


The Girl With The Naggin’ Boo-Boo

February 27, 2012



2 posts in a single day ???

Yup, tiss shocking but not as shocking as the reason why I’m updating twice in 1 day.

It all started some hours ago, when host Billy Crystal introduced as next presenter, the following person…






Angelina's arms






They say the camera adds 10 pounds…

Yikes !

Could be worse though, imagine if that broadcast had been in 3D HD.



I just don’t understand why someone who’s in the spotlight, both that evening & in general, flaunts part of their figure while other parts are clearly a worrying sight.

Arms shouldn’t be like that unless you’re ill or something.

“Quod me nutrit me destruit”, a Latin quote tattooed on her body seems creepily appropriate now as it means “that which nourishes me, destroys me”.



Now, I’m sure that some people reading this are saying: “Picky picky !”

To you, I’d reply that there’s no need for such harsh words.

I mean we all know her arms look like toothpicks, no need to rub it in.



But seriously…

Maybe there’s a light at the end of this tunnel.

Seeing as she’s an “ambassador” for them, maybe the UN can feed her with that World Food Programme of theirs ?


Mu On Mo #05 – Heap O’ Naked

January 30, 2012



With a certain chance of us all dying a horrible death some time during this apocalyptic year, it’s better to focus elsewhere.

& to soothe the soul, what’s better than a few tunes ?

Here’s some Music On Monday…



Hello & goodbye !

As you may or may not know, this is “the end”.

Yes, that which Sir Monkey was wondering about last week can now be confirmed (or again, if you read my reply to the simian knight), this is indeed the final ever Mu On Mo…



…well, for January at least.

Next month. it’ll return as always (?) but won’t be dependent on the theme of decades like the 4 past songs or the 1 today.

Which brings us to my final ever choice… (for January).



After the 60s, 70s, 80s & 90s, it stands to reason that the 00s should follow but making this choice was even harder than last week’s.

Simply put, the latter half of the 90s & also right after, lead to the demise of House music, the (further) rise of Rap music & several one-hit wonders who tried to make it big by covering existing songs only to release them reworked as “cool” Dance music.

However, that’s not the worst that happened in Music Land…



No, for these years gave rise to the scantily clad female performer with blondes like Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera & Jessica Simpson.

& also barely dressed brunettes like Shakira, Beyoncé Knowles, Rihanna, Nicole Scherzinger & even Mariah Carey v2.0 who changed from “awww sweet” to “ewww slut” overnight.

Anyhoo, no matter what hair colour they all have, clip after clip after clip showed how immensely… empowered (uh-huh) they all are now because nothing says rationally mature & emotionally secure quite like wearing next to nothing while moving provocatively in blatant sexual settings.



But THANKFULLY, there was also another kind of female performer during these 00s.

A type of female artist who during these dark times didn’t feel the need to compensate for the lack of any genuine talent take off her clothes at a whim during 1 of her songs.

Like, for example, the song that got the following YouTube comment…


“I wish we could buy this version. The piano she adds in it makes it sound so good.”



Yes, the following music number is not available as it was performed on TV & thus shows a lot more naked talent than naked skin.

& like so many others, I too liked it a whole lot more than the album version, so… I actually made myself a nice lil’ copy of this live performance.

Enjoy the song…










From the 00’s, that was Imogen Heap – First Train Home (Live).

See you another time for more Music On Monday.

…that’s if we’re still around.


Mirrør, Mirrør… Whø Fearmøngers Them All ?

August 2, 2011



You know, there’s this thing about politicians.

They’re either really crazy or really boring.

So, it gives me great pleasure to present you the observational humour of Norway’s own fearmongering Fremskrittspartiet (Progress Party) leader… miss Siv Jensen !



Regarding the terror attacks:


“We are facing a guy with a very strange mindset and the ability to do horrible things to society.”



“Guy” she says, hilarious !



But wait, there’s more – like for example:


“The new thing is that we have been in a horrible way reminded of the fact that terrorism can come in many different forms, with different rhetoric behind it, with different crazy ideas behind it.”



Oh man, she just owned her… um… own party.



& speaking of her party, how about that dwindling support, any sharp insights there ?


“The important thing is not polls, the important thing is the election.”



what ? BOOOOO ! Too soon !!!






Siv Jensen On Her Comedy Tour


Consumed By That Which Once Fed It

May 20, 2011



Oh wow, look at today’s date.

Can’t believe it’s an entire year later already but in any case…

Happy EDMD everybody !



Yeah, remember good ol’ EDMD & how it all began ?

Once upon a time… there was a US female cartoonist named Molly Norris & one day, after hearing a certain episode of South Park would be censored, she decided as a form of protest to create a cartoon about the prophet Muhammad by depicting him as a cup of coffee (or was that tea ?), a domino stone, a box of pasta, a spool of thread, a single red cherry & a doggie purse (wait what ?).

But then she was seriously threatened (oh no !) by some of Muhammad’s most “devout” followers & she vanished into the night never to be seen or heard of again !



Now, no person in their right mind throws away his or her life for a mere animated cartoon.

& I’m using the word animated loosely here as it’s South Park we’re talking about.

So, either she was a really stupid fan or it must’ve been really really REALLY important for her to do so.



Buuuttt a question remains.

Yes, just a single question.

But an extremely important one…



Where oh where is Molly Norris ?

What is she doing ?

& as whom is she doing it ?



Well wonder no more pilgrim !

Join us here on X-Mer’s New Atlantica Page for the possible answers as we celebrate the first ever…

Everybody Draw Molly Day… South Park style !



First up, Molly Norris before the threats made her disappear & she was still known as plain ol’ Molly Norris…



Molly Norris Then



Add a lil’ bit of Muslim fanatic threat & *POOF* she went into hiding & no one knows who she is or where she is…



Molly Norris Now



So, did she go mad with fear & end up in an asylum or something ?

Yeah, that’s possible.

But what if, while on the run, she ran into some rich Arab guy who then recognized her ? She could’ve asked him to forgive her for her actions & spare her life, right ?



Molly Norris Now



So, did she end up as wife #03 assigned to kitchen duty somewhere in the Middle East ?

Yeah, that’s possible.

But what if, while on the run through rough desolate terrains, she came across a small town in the middle of nowhere ?



Molly Norris Now



Wouldn’t that make for the perfect hiding place from religious loonies ?

Yeah, that’s possible.

But what if it’s none of those things & something completely different ?



Molly Norris Now



Yeah, that’s possible too.

In fact, we might never EVER know what really became of ol’ Molly.

However, something tells me wherever she is & whatever she’s doing, she’s happy doing it…









Molly Norris Now



Say, anyone else wondering about the identity of that unknown Navy SEAL that killed Osama ?


World Domination Through World Peace

March 29, 2011



Ohhh man, I haven’t been feeling too good lately.

Certain emotions, that I’m not accustomed to, are presently running through me & I fear for where it all might lead to.

This all started when I was minding my own business when all of a sudden…



She happened !!!

But don’t take my word for it.

Oh no, see for yourself & experience the horror !






Shanna Bukhari, Muslim model



Yesss, stare into her wicked eyes & let lust slowly but surely corrupt your soul to its very depths.

Meet 24-year-old Shanna Bukhari, she’s a regular British girl who works as a model & now, having made the 2011 finals, stands a good chance to win the opportunity to represent the UK in the Miss Universe pageant.

Buuut, according to certain crazed fanatics concerned citizens she’s nothing more than a foul temptress who’s going against the teachings of Islam.



Hmmm, choices choices…

Will the real Shanna please stand up ?

You know, it might help if we hear from Shanna herself…


“People are attacking me, using religion as a tool, but is it really religion ?”

“Or are you really jealous of a girl coming forward and not allowing anyone to dictate to her ?”

“There are people out there who want to control women.”



Huh ?

Ok, I’m confused now.

Aren’t these the same fana… uh, concerned citizens who want to conquer the entire world in the name of The Almighty One ?



What would be better than having a hot Muslim chick sneak up on Western infidels & blind them into a false sense of security ?

But from the citizens POV, I guess it IS wrong to have women acting all “hey, look at me guys !” when it’s far far better to have them shut up, sit at home & cook for their husband along with the other 2 wives in his harem.

However, it’s not Shanna’s fault or even her parents’ DNA she looks like this as it was The Almighty One who created her in the first place.



Sooo, how come these nutjo… uh, concerned citizens don’t go pray to their interpretation of a divine being & ask it to cease creating all these delicious looking females that put sinful thoughts into the pureness that is Islamic manhood ???

Wouldn’t it be a far better world to live on if all women had like thick coarse facial hair, missed several if not most of their teeth & of course never developed breasts ?

Whoa, typing all of this has made me feel sinful again… must… fight… unnatural… biological… urges… help… me… oh… Lord…


Women’s Fantasies Made Real

December 16, 2009

Hot on the heels of the Wonder Woman comic reaching issue 600 comes more woman + comics news…


Girl Comics, a 3-issue monthly limited series starting March 2010, will feature content made entirely by female comic contributors.

Published as an anthology, this Marvel Comics project will have women writers, women artists, women inkers, women editors, etc.



But will this group be able to prove they have better story ideas for the character of Jennifer Walters AKA She-Hulk than their male counterparts ever had ?



She-Hulk Beats Iron Man



Here’s hoping, as I certainly like the cover for issue 1…


Hey Ladies, Wanna Join Uncle Mo’s Book Club ?

November 17, 2009

Since 9/11, you might’ve heard reports of a certain plan.

A plan to overthrow all of the Western nations & turn them into…

(wait for it)

(wait for it)

…Muslim nations !!! *dramatic gasp*



Now, obviously, only an idiot would would mistake this tale for truth.

Enter the idiot…

Muammar al-Gaddafi AKA The Colonel.

Or as I like to call him “Crazy Uncle Mo”.

Anyhoo, some time ago Uncle Mo said:


“There are signs that Allah will grant Islam victory in Europe – without swords, without guns, without conquests. The 50 million Muslims of Europe will turn it into a Muslim continent within a few decades.”



Like I said, CRAZY Uncle Mo.



But he’s not one of those polarizing figures who just play up the rhetoric.

No no.

He’s actually begun converting Europe all by himself.

& stop #1 on his Euro Islamakeover Tour?

Rome, Italy !



Strange fact = only women of high length were allowed to attend his ramblings speech.

Sooo… seeing as almost half of the population was ignored & since most women aren’t tall, means this was a pretty pretty tough selection.

This type of action somehow reminds me of the similarly crazy Soup Nazi



Crazy Uncle Mo Holding A Book Sale


Convert-All-Non-Muslims-To-Islam-Plan or not, it’s still kinda creepy Uncle Mo actually went ahead & did this.

…unless of course, Uncle Mo wanted to help Berlusconi get rid of those pesky Veline.

Anyhoo, when it comes to Libyans, I can’t help recalling what a certain teenager once said back in 1985:

EB: Oh, my God, they found me, I don’t know how, but they found me. Run for it Marty !
MM: Who ? Who ?
EB: Who do you think ? The Libyans !!!
MM: Holy shit !



Holy shit indeed.

Still, all this has left me wondering what a small woman wearing a veil would look like…



Veiled little woman



Sooo… what the hell is wrong with that picture ???

Oh Uncle Mo, you so crazee !


Top 10 Reasons Letterman Slept Around

October 3, 2009

Ok, here we go….



The Top 10 Reasons David Letterman Gave For Sleeping Around:



– Number 10:

“Iran’s nuclear plans made me panic”



– Number 9:

“Paul Shaffer dared me”



– Number 8:

“I admire Bill Clinton”



– Number 7:

“I needed to do something to get better ratings than Conan”



– Number 6:

“What was I gonna do ? Say “no” ?”



– Number 5:

“It’s part of the Late Show internship”



– Number 4:

“When women say “no”, they mean “yes”…”



– Number 3:

“Married life is hard, ok ?”



– Number 2:

“I was doing research for my upcoming role in the Polanski biopic”



& the number 1 reason David Letterman gave for sleeping around is…






Late Show Top 10


Would You Like A Bra With That Comic, Sir ?

September 18, 2009

Hey kids ! Comics !

…kids ?



With such distractions as videogames, drugs & pets, comics haven’t been reaching their original audience since the last century.

& while comic books are still being published, nowadays they’re mostly read by “adult” men. Thus the material isn’t even really aimed at kids anymore.

So with kids a lost cause and the current readers growing older by the day, comic book publishers must do something… anything to survive.

Like for example attracting… women readers !



Women however don’t wanna go anywhere near comics, which is a bit of a problem if you want their $$$.

Sure, they read Manga & sometimes even Fantasy themed comics like Sandman but rarely do they read superhero type of comics.

Not only are they apathetic if Doctor Doom wants to kill the Fantastic Four to death, they also find superhero comics to be nothing more than male-oriented power fantasies with a sexist approach to female characters.



So, I can only imagine the ecstatic happiness both DC & Marvel Disney are feeling about Agent Provocateur‘s new lingerie collection Slutty Cheapness “Autumn” being based on the concept of Super Heroines…



WTF ?


Meet Agent Provocateur Elite Xemplar AKA “APEX“, the new super heroines from the planet Voluptura (yes, Voluptura).

According to Agent Provocateur’s site they’re: “a group of genetically enhanced superwomen on a mission. & dressed in our latest collection of spectacular lingerie how can they fail ?

Wow !

Just knowing they’re out there, making the world a better place in their unmentionables makes me feel safer already.

& you can’t go wrong with such classic names like “Hornette” & “Nymphette”, now can you ?

& if you’re wondering, yes, they do have a leader…

Crystalina



WTF ?


There’s even a trailer for the upcoming “graphic” novel by writer Brady Webb & artist Staz Johnson







Makes you wonder if the Mouse will go all Mwahaha-Hostile-Takeover on these characters too.

Can you imagine Minnie, Daisy & Clarabelle wearing next to nothing in the name of female empowerment ? 😯

Unsolved Mystery… SOLVED !

August 17, 2009

Hi there.

Do you like unexplained phenomena ?

Yeah, I’ll bet you do.

@ 1 point or another, everyone will ponder about such things as the Loch Ness monster, UFOs & Mothman.



So for this entry, I’d like to write about a similar kind of mystery.

It’s 1 of those enigmas that you can’t stop wondering about.

Let me put it to you in the form of a question…



Have you ever wondered what’s under a burqa ?



Yeah, I’ll bet you have.

Go ahead & think about it right now…



Women wearing burqas



…well ?

No idea ?

You give up ?

Ok, I’ll tell you what’s underneath a burqa.

Why, another burqa of course !

:mrgreen:



But seriously, the mystery of whatever’s beneath this… clothing item might be solved thanks to a new law in Afghanistan of all places.

You see, earlier this year a law proposal came about that would give married men certain… rights.

Meant to govern family life, the law stated women (unless ill) were forced to **** their husbands every 4 days.

This then led to all sorts of protests in & outside of Afghanistan.

As for the reasons why your typical 9-year old Afghan female wouldn’t want to regularly **** her adoring husband, I can only speculate.

Ok, so maybe it turned all married women into potential rape victims but then again, no one ever said marriage was a slice of heaven.



Anyhoo, all that protesting eventually paid off & the law went back to the ol’ drawingboard for some reviewing.

& now it’s back. (YAY !)

New & improved, the law now states husbands may withhold food if their wives refuse to indulge their manly urges.

😯



So, by fulfilling his needs she’ll get paid for services rendered… with food.

A basic daily need in return for doing whatever it is he likes to do.

Now, let’s think about this for second, shall we ?

WTF ? This law actually turns a wife into your very own personal whore.

With laws like these, who needs the Taliban ?



But no need to worry, the law is only to help President Hamid Karzai win votes intended for the Shia minority, who make up about 10% of Afghanistan’s population.

As for all those women in the 90% of the population group, they can take it easy.

For now.

As a separate family law for them (the Sunni majority) is now also being drawn up.



Anyways, back to the matter @ hand.

What is under a burqa ?” you ask ?

Very thin women. 😦



Got Food ?


The Ol’ Switcheroo…

June 16, 2009

So, President Obama has managed to con… vince yet another country into taking in Guantanamo terrorists detainees.

Good for him.

But this time it’s none other than Italy’s TV channel owner Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi.

Why the bad boy of Euro politics accepted this plan is anyone’s guess.



…or is it ?

Knowing Silvio’s tactics, he’d only agree to do this if Obama returned the favor…

Somehow.

& seeing as the Prez wants to close Guantanamo at all costs, it’s only logical to think that some kind of deal was struck between them.



What did Obama have to do for this man” you ask ?

Ohhh, nothing really.

You see, just like any other country leader, Sylvio’s got his own fair share of problems.

& thus it was agreed that if Italy were to take in 3 dangerous men, Obama was to take in a couple of troublemakers in return.



Yes, on US soil you will now find 2 of Italy’s greatest threats…

(to Berlusconi’s continued political career that is.)



Obama Vs Osama



Obama, what a guy ! :mrgreen:


What If…

August 1, 2008

Ok, so what if you washed up on a remote island with 30 beautiful women ?

COME BACK !!!

Don’t you dare dream off, ’cause I’m not finished here !

Now, as I was saying:

What if you (yes YOU) washed up on a remote island with 30 beautiful women ?

Sounds like a real peach of a dream, right ?

Weeell, let’s take a closer look @ paradise.

Remember, it’s a REMOTE island, so…

  • There’d be no TV/Radio/Internet
  • There’d be no soap/deodorant
  • There’d be no scissors/razors/wax
  • There’d be no tampons

Now, let’s go over those lil’ factiods 1-by-1 shall we ?

————————————————————————————

No TV/Radio/Internet = no soaps, no music, no chatting.

With nothing to distract them, you’re gonna spending a whole lotta time listenin’ to females yakkin’ over & over & over & over & over again.

=> Bye bye ear function. 😦

No soap/deodorant = “hey, women don’t smell like roses after all”.

No shit, Sherlock ! Sure @ 1st they smell nice but wait a couple o’ days & you’ll discover a whole new side to them.

=> Bye bye nose function. 😦

No scissors/razors/wax = you’re gonna be looking @ hairy legs, hairy upper lips & verrry hairy you-know-whats.

Unless you’re from Eastern Europe, you’re gonna be quite surprised what a natural women REALLY looks like & wait till it teams-up with the whole no deodorant thingie – that’ll open up a whole new level of reality people usually prefer to avoid.

=> Bye bye eye function. 😦

————————————————————————————

Usually, it only takes 1 woman to drive a man in the comfort of his very own home utterly insane but 30 hairy, sweaty, gossipin’ ladies on an island you can’t escape from is very much Hell.

& there you have it my non-existent friends, the flipside of mixing remote islands with women. Not so tempting now, is it ?

Hey wait !” I hear you cry out.

What about no tampons ?

Well, I’m not even gonna go there. Your own mind can figure that scenario out by itself.

😯

The horror, the horror…

Avoid Meat = Spontaneous Change Into Woman

July 4, 2008

Eating meat is dangerous for your health.

You may remember hearing that phrase from… well… just about any fanatical vegetarian.

So, what are you to do ? I mean what fun is life without a nice slab o’ cow on your plate, right ?

WRONG !!!” the angry vegan choir will shout in unison.

Yes, there’s good ol’ tofu. Soybean crud that amazingly looks like meat (& tastes like cardboard).

It’ll save the poor little cows, sheep, horses, etc. & it’ll save your health.

Awww, we all win. Woo-Hoo !

I don’t think so.

You see, scientist are our friends.

Why is that ?

Because they tell you the truth. Each & every time, no matter how horrid. In a way, they’re like really good friends who tell you about the spinach between your teeth.

Or in this case: eating tofu instead of meat.

It.Ain’t.THAT.Healthy.

But don’t take my word for it preachy meat-avoider, let us look @ what the scientists are saying after a study.

Scientists: “Soy products are rich in micronutrients called phytoestrogens, which mimic the impact of the female sex hormone oestrogen.

The latest study suggests phytoestrogens – in high quantity – may actually heighten the risk of dementia.

That’s right, if you eat enough tofu you WILL turn into a fine drooling specimen of womanhood.

Ok, so if you’re a woman it might be beneficial. Screw Hormone Replacement Therapy – Just Eat Tofu !

Well, what if you’re a male ?

Do you go with A; heartattack @ 40 or B; breasts ?

I guess you’re damned if you do & you’re damned if you don’t.

…don’t you just love it when Life itself gives you so many wonderful options to choose from ?

As always, the horrid link o’ truth.

There’s Some Really Sick People In This Town #3

April 18, 2008

Folks, I think I’m losing the battle here.

I really am.

There’s hardly any faith left from me for humanity.

“What happened ?” I hear you ask (although it could just be the voices in my head).

Well, if you really must know…

2 ladies in their seventies “befriended” homeless men only to murder them for money !

😯

Just in case you think I made it all up, here’s the link o’ truth.