Posts Tagged ‘Sex’

Top 10 Reasons Letterman Slept Around

October 3, 2009

Ok, here we go….

The Top 10 Reasons David Letterman Gave For Sleeping Around:

– Number 10:

“Iran’s nuclear plans made me panic”

– Number 9:

“Paul Shaffer dared me”

– Number 8:

“I admire Bill Clinton”

– Number 7:

“I needed to do something to get better ratings than Conan”

– Number 6:

“What was I gonna do ? Say “no” ?”

– Number 5:

“It’s part of the Late Show internship”

– Number 4:

“When women say “no”, they mean “yes”…”

– Number 3:

“Married life is hard, ok ?”

– Number 2:

“I was doing research for my upcoming role in the Polanski biopic”

& the number 1 reason David Letterman gave for sleeping around is…

Late Show Top 10


Incompetence… Thy Name Is John Law

August 19, 2009

For some time now, my lovely neighbours have been doing… it.

Yes, IT.

Oh not everyday but certainly loud enough that everyone who lives nearby must’ve woken up to their “workouts” at least… oh, I don’t know… every time IT happens.

I type “woken up” because they always do IT around 4.

04:00 AM that is.

Just around the time when you’re supposed to be well on your way to Dreamland, these… sounds begin to emerge from their bedroom & you realize it is no nightmare but reality.

@ 1st, long ago, I thought a woman was being hurt.

Hurt BAD.

Seriously, it did not sound good.

Soon however, it became quite apparent that the cries of agony were actually something entirely different.

Anyway, 14 sleepless months later last night, after their latest exchange of bodily fluids, I had had enough !

Yes, I had reached my limit & realized that I had to do something about this matter.

It was time for action !

I decided I was going to call… the cops !

So, the following day (yes, during daytime) I phoned them up & told this officer that my neighbours had been making loud noises late at night.

The officer’s reply you ask ?

Is this happening now ?


Unable to ignore the idiocy of the remark I somehow still managed a calm “No, it’s daytime now“.

Then came the dreaded question.

What kind of noises are they making ?

So, I had no choice but to name IT.

Now, that was pretty awful but then came the officer’s reply…

Oh, but sex isn’t forbidden.

You know, it’s funny that just when you think life can’t possibly get any worse… it suddenly does.

But wait, there’s more…

A little later I had to endure “Is it the boinking of their bed or sexual voices ?

@ this point I laughed out loud & asked the officer if he was being serious.

He was.

So, I went with option #2 & got told that they’d send someone over to talk to them… sometime.

Yeah, I sure showed those fucking neighbours of mine !