The Swiss Are Coming !

November 29, 2009 by Eluria

Perhaps you recall a previous post where we talked about Crazy Uncle Mo & his even crazier scheme to convert hot women non-Muslims to Islam ?

His 1st stop was Rome, Italy.

It should have been Zurich, Switzerland.



But… it’s too late now.

For the Swiss people have spoken & now a majority supports a ban on… minarets (you know, those long thingies beside a mosque).

Life must sure be tough over in Switzerland where, apparently, there are as many as FOUR whole minarets.

Yes, 4 of them.

Can you even imagine that level of daily horror ?

No wonder the Swiss People’s Party held a referendum.



Switzerland's Minaret Initiative


& as plans go, this one of course is brilliant.

It’ll teach al-Qaeda a lesson they’ll never forget !

Why, I can almost see the poor bastards already…



Switzerland's Minaret Initiative


So, evildoers all over the world beware !

Because the Swiss are coming & your religion will be next…


Hey Ladies, Wanna Join Uncle Mo’s Book Club ?

November 17, 2009 by Eluria

Since 9/11, you might’ve heard reports of a certain plan.

A plan to overthrow all of the Western nations & turn them into…

(wait for it)

(wait for it)

…Muslim nations !!! *dramatic gasp*



Now, obviously, only an idiot would would mistake this tale for truth.

Enter the idiot…

Muammar al-Gaddafi AKA The Colonel.

Or as I like to call him “Crazy Uncle Mo”.

Anyhoo, some time ago Uncle Mo said:


“There are signs that Allah will grant Islam victory in Europe – without swords, without guns, without conquests. The 50 million Muslims of Europe will turn it into a Muslim continent within a few decades.”



Like I said, CRAZY Uncle Mo.



But he’s not one of those polarizing figures who just play up the rhetoric.

No no.

He’s actually begun converting Europe all by himself.

& stop #1 on his Euro Islamakeover Tour?

Rome, Italy !



Strange fact = only women of high length were allowed to attend his ramblings speech.

Sooo… seeing as almost half of the population was ignored & since most women aren’t tall, means this was a pretty pretty tough selection.

This type of action somehow reminds me of the similarly crazy Soup Nazi



Crazy Uncle Mo Holding A Book Sale


Convert-All-Non-Muslims-To-Islam-Plan or not, it’s still kinda creepy Uncle Mo actually went ahead & did this.

…unless of course, Uncle Mo wanted to help Berlusconi get rid of those pesky Veline.

Anyhoo, when it comes to Libyans, I can’t help recalling what a certain teenager once said back in 1985:

EB: Oh, my God, they found me, I don’t know how, but they found me. Run for it Marty !
MM: Who ? Who ?
EB: Who do you think ? The Libyans !!!
MM: Holy shit !



Holy shit indeed.

Still, all this has left me wondering what a small woman wearing a veil would look like…



Veiled little woman



Sooo… what the hell is wrong with that picture ???

Oh Uncle Mo, you so crazee !


The Best Of Times, The Worst Of Times…

November 8, 2009 by Eluria

Quite a week.



On the 1 hand, we had Major Nidal Malik Hasan kill & injure several of his fellow Americans & colleagues.

Now while murder because of religious fanaticism is ALWAYS wrong, there is 1 point in this matter I’ve heard too little about & yet found very interesting.

It concerns the Major apparently having said, on multiple occasions, that there was an anti-Muslim sentiment present in the military.

Now I don’t know if something was done about said complaints but that seems to reveal something more like a troubled man than a so-called homegrown terrorist.

In any case, sad news.



& on the other hand, we had the US House Of Representatives voting for health care & passing the bill.

Obviously, an historic event but it’s disturbing to notice that the grand total of 435 Representatives, who were in a position to do something tremendously positive for the country as a whole, still had 215 idiots among them.

In any case, happy news.



Quite a week indeed.

So much so that a certain famous quote would seem to apply here.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair…

(1859)

Halloween Arrives Early…

October 24, 2009 by Eluria

10 years ago, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit.



These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.



Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.



If you have a problem…



If no one else can help…



& if you can find them…



Maybe you can hire…






Liam Neeson & friends ???



I pity these 4 fools !



Yeah, I suppose you could do that.

But me personally ?

I’d settle for nothing less than the best…



They're On The Jazz


Nobel Neutrality

October 10, 2009 by Eluria

Seems Prez Obama won himself a lil’ Nobel Peace Prize today.

Aw, that’s nice.

I mean, how many people can claim they’ve won a prize for achieving absolutely nothing ?

*pause for laughter*

…no, the mentally retarded do not count.

*pause for more laughter*



Anyhoo, all this has made me think of Switzerland.

Good ol’ Switzerland. The land of chocolate, cuckoo clocks, knives, music boxes & of course neutrality.

Yes, the wonderful neutrality of the Swiss.

I wonder if there’s something… anything on this planet that would make the Swiss think twice about their policy ?

Anything at all.

Hmmm…



I mean back during WW II their attitude was all like…

Fight Hitler ? Who ? Us ??? LOL ! No, no. We are neutral.”

A World War was being fought out between the forces for Good & the forces for Evil & yet they didn’t budge.

& I’ll bet if Germany had won, they would’ve respected that neutrality.

But back to the question at hand.

…nope, try as I might, I can’t think of a single damn thing that the Swiss would perceive as big enough of a threat to make them change tactics & finally take a stand.



Switzerland's Minaret Initiative



Perhaps they’ll get the Nobel Peace Prize next ?

*pause for yet more laughter*


Top 10 Reasons Letterman Slept Around

October 3, 2009 by Eluria

Ok, here we go….



The Top 10 Reasons David Letterman Gave For Sleeping Around:



- Number 10:

“Iran’s nuclear plans made me panic”



- Number 9:

“Paul Shaffer dared me”



- Number 8:

“I admire Bill Clinton”



- Number 7:

“I needed to do something to get better ratings than Conan”



- Number 6:

“What was I gonna do ? Say “no” ?”



- Number 5:

“It’s part of the Late Show internship”



- Number 4:

“When women say “no”, they mean “yes”…”



- Number 3:

“Married life is hard, ok ?”



- Number 2:

“I was doing research for my upcoming role in the Polanksi biopic”



& the number 1 reason David Letterman gave for sleeping around is…






Late Show Top 10


There’s Some Really Sick People In This Town #7

September 22, 2009 by Eluria

Welcome to another instalment of this irregular series of posts about that other side of humanity.



Imagine for a moment… you have a child.

Could be a little boy, could be a little girl but whatever it is & no matter how cute, you have to give it up.

For adoption that is.

The years pass but you still think of your child every single day.

You ask yourself the same questions over & over.

What is s/he doing now ?

Is s/he happy ?“.

What does s/he look like ?

This is basically what happened to an American woman, who back in her 20’s put her own son up for adoption.

But that’s not the end of our tale.

For you see, this woman was clever.

How clever ?

So clever that even though more than 10 years had passed, she was still able to find her (teenage) son by using the I-net to track him down…



…& then proceeded to rape him :shock:



That gives a whole new meaning to “motherly love”, doesn’t it ?

& just in case you think I made it all up, here’s the odd link o’ truth.


Would You Like A Bra With That Comic, Sir ?

September 18, 2009 by Eluria

Hey kids ! Comics !

…kids ?



With such distractions as videogames, drugs & pets, comics haven’t been reaching their original audience since the last century.

& while comic books are still being published, nowadays they’re mostly read by “adult” men. Thus the material isn’t even really aimed at kids anymore.

So with kids a lost cause and the current readers growing older by the day, comic book publishers must do something… anything to survive.

Like for example attracting… women readers !



Women however don’t wanna go anywhere near comics, which is a bit of a problem if you want their $$$.

Sure, they read Manga & sometimes even Fantasy themed comics like Sandman but rarely do they read superhero type of comics.

Not only are they apathetic if Doctor Doom wants to kill the Fantastic Four to death, they also find superhero comics to be nothing more than male-oriented power fantasies with a sexist approach to female characters.



So, I can only imagine the ecstatic happiness both DC & Marvel Disney are feeling about Agent Provocateur’s new lingerie collection Slutty Cheapness “Autumn” being based on the concept of Super Heroines…



WTF ?


Meet Agent Provocateur Elite Xemplar AKA “APEX“, the new super heroines from the planet Voluptura (yes, Voluptura).

According to Agent Provocateur’s site they’re: “a group of genetically enhanced superwomen on a mission. & dressed in our latest collection of spectacular lingerie how can they fail ?

Wow !

Just knowing they’re out there, making the world a better place in their unmentionables makes me feel safer already.

& you can’t go wrong with such classic names like “Hornette” & “Nymphette”, now can you ?

& if you’re wondering, yes, they do have a leader…

Crystalina



WTF ?


There’s even a trailer for the upcoming “graphic” novel by writer Brady Webb & artist Staz Johnson







Makes you wonder if the Mouse will go all Mwahaha-Hostile-Takeover on these characters too.

Can you imagine Minnie, Daisy & Clarabelle wearing next to nothing in the name of female empowerment ? :shock:

II

September 11, 2009 by Eluria

08:46



09:03



09:37



10:03



Never forget the victims of 9/11


09 09 09 !!!

September 9, 2009 by Eluria

Bigger than the Hadron Collider (you malfunctioning piece of junk) !

More apocalyptic than 2012 !

& worse than the Disney / Marvel merger !

Is… today’s date.



No, nothing is going to top THIS very day.

Because today it’s the 9th of the 9th of the 9th.

Amazing, right ?

But wait !

Upside down = 666



:shock:



So, does that mean The Devil will be attacking Australia today ?

Or possibly even the entire (& very much unsuspecting) world ???

Are we headed towards human sacrifice ?

Dogs and cats living together ?!?

Mass hysteria ?!?!?

Yes, this could very well be our Judgment Day.



Let’s see what the Newsies are saying:

Hmmm…

- Naked guy’s kissing wish surprises George Clooney

- Obama gives Stay-In-School-Kids-Speech, Republicans horrified

- Holy monolith used as public toilet by tourists

WTF, that’s it ???

This isn’t exciting, juicy, end-of-the-world news. It’s just your average news crap of the day !



Just goes to show that even special dates happen on ordinary days…