The Best Of Times, The Worst Of Times…

November 8, 2009 by Eluria

Quite a week.



On the 1 hand, we had Major Nidal Malik Hasan kill & injure several of his fellow Americans & colleagues.

Now while murder because of religious fanaticism is ALWAYS wrong, there is 1 point in this matter I’ve heard too little about & yet found very interesting.

It concerns the Major apparently having said, on multiple occasions, that there was an anti-Muslim sentiment present in the military.

Now I don’t know if something was done about said complaints but that seems to reveal something more like a troubled man than a so-called homegrown terrorist.

In any case, sad news.



& on the other hand, we had the US House Of Representatives voting for health care & passing the bill.

Obviously, an historic event but it’s disturbing to notice that the grand total of 435 Representatives, who were in a position to do something tremendously positive for the country as a whole, still had 215 idiots among them.

In any case, happy news.



Quite a week indeed.

So much so that a certain famous quote would seem to apply here.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair…

(1859)

Halloween Arrives Early…

October 24, 2009 by Eluria

10 years ago, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit.



These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.



Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.



If you have a problem…



If no one else can help…



& if you can find them…



Maybe you can hire…






Liam Neeson & friends ???



I pity these 4 fools !



Yeah, I suppose you could do that.

But me personally ?

I’d settle for nothing less than the best…



They're On The Jazz


Nobel Neutrality

October 10, 2009 by Eluria

Seems Prez Obama won himself a lil’ Nobel Peace Prize today.

Aw, that’s nice.

I mean, how many people can claim they’ve won a prize for achieving absolutely nothing ?

*pause for laughter*

…no, the mentally retarded do not count.

*pause for more laughter*



Anyhoo, all this has made me think of Switzerland.

Good ol’ Switzerland. The land of chocolate, cuckoo clocks, knives, music boxes & of course neutrality.

Yes, the wonderful neutrality of the Swiss.

I wonder if there’s something… anything on this planet that would make the Swiss think twice about their policy ?

Anything at all.

Hmmm…



I mean back during WW II their attitude was all like…

Fight Hitler ? Who ? Us ??? LOL ! No, no. We are neutral.”

A World War was being fought out between the forces for Good & the forces for Evil & yet they didn’t budge.

& I’ll bet if Germany had won, they would’ve respected that neutrality.

But back to the question at hand.

…nope, try as I might, I can’t think of a single damn thing that the Swiss would perceive as big enough of a threat to make them change tactics & finally take a stand.



Switzerland's Minaret Initiative



Perhaps they’ll get the Nobel Peace Prize next ?

*pause for yet more laughter*


Top 10 Reasons Letterman Slept Around

October 3, 2009 by Eluria

Ok, here we go….



The Top 10 Reasons David Letterman Gave For Sleeping Around:



- Number 10:

“Iran’s nuclear plans made me panic”



- Number 9:

“Paul Shaffer dared me”



- Number 8:

“I admire Bill Clinton”



- Number 7:

“I needed to do something to get better ratings than Conan”



- Number 6:

“What was I gonna do ? Say “no” ?”



- Number 5:

“It’s part of the Late Show internship”



- Number 4:

“When women say “no”, they mean “yes”…”



- Number 3:

“Married life is hard, ok ?”



- Number 2:

“I was doing research for my upcoming role in the Polanksi biopic”



& the number 1 reason David Letterman gave for sleeping around is…






Late Show Top 10


There’s Some Really Sick People In This Town #7

September 22, 2009 by Eluria

Welcome to another instalment of this irregular series of posts about that other side of humanity.



Imagine for a moment… you have a child.

Could be a little boy, could be a little girl but whatever it is & no matter how cute, you have to give it up.

For adoption that is.

The years pass but you still think of your child every single day.

You ask yourself the same questions over & over.

What is s/he doing now ?

Is s/he happy ?“.

What does s/he look like ?

This is basically what happened to an American woman, who back in her 20’s put her own son up for adoption.

But that’s not the end of our tale.

For you see, this woman was clever.

How clever ?

So clever that even though more than 10 years had passed, she was still able to find her (teenage) son by using the I-net to track him down…



…& then proceeded to rape him :shock:



That gives a whole new meaning to “motherly love”, doesn’t it ?

& just in case you think I made it all up, here’s the odd link o’ truth.


Would You Like A Bra With That Comic, Sir ?

September 18, 2009 by Eluria

Hey kids ! Comics !

…kids ?



With such distractions as videogames, drugs & pets, comics haven’t been reaching their original audience since the last century.

& while comic books are still being published, nowadays they’re mostly read by “adult” men. Thus the material isn’t even really aimed at kids anymore.

So with kids a lost cause and the current readers growing older by the day, comic book publishers must do something… anything to survive.

Like for example attracting… women readers !



Women however don’t wanna go anywhere near comics, which is a bit of a problem if you want their $$$.

Sure, they read Manga & sometimes even Fantasy themed comics like Sandman but rarely do they read superhero type of comics.

Not only are they apathetic if Doctor Doom wants to kill the Fantastic Four to death, they also find superhero comics to be nothing more than male-oriented power fantasies with a sexist approach to female characters.



So, I can only imagine the ecstatic happiness both DC & Marvel Disney are feeling about Agent Provocateur’s new lingerie collection Slutty Cheapness “Autumn” being based on the concept of Super Heroines…



WTF ?


Meet Agent Provocateur Elite Xemplar AKA “APEX“, the new super heroines from the planet Voluptura (yes, Voluptura).

According to Agent Provocateur’s site they’re: “a group of genetically enhanced superwomen on a mission. & dressed in our latest collection of spectacular lingerie how can they fail ?

Wow !

Just knowing they’re out there, making the world a better place in their unmentionables makes me feel safer already.

& you can’t go wrong with such classic names like “Hornette” & “Nymphette”, now can you ?

& if you’re wondering, yes, they do have a leader…

Crystalina



WTF ?


There’s even a trailer for the upcoming “graphic” novel by writer Brady Webb & artist Staz Johnson







Makes you wonder if the Mouse will go all Mwahaha-Hostile-Takeover on these characters too.

Can you imagine Minnie, Daisy & Clarabelle wearing next to nothing in the name of female empowerment ? :shock:

II

September 11, 2009 by Eluria

08:46



09:03



09:37



10:03



Never forget the victims of 9/11


09 09 09 !!!

September 9, 2009 by Eluria

Bigger than the Hadron Collider (you malfunctioning piece of junk) !

More apocalyptic than 2012 !

& worse than the Disney / Marvel merger !

Is… today’s date.



No, nothing is going to top THIS very day.

Because today it’s the 9th of the 9th of the 9th.

Amazing, right ?

But wait !

Upside down = 666



:shock:



So, does that mean The Devil will be attacking Australia today ?

Or possibly even the entire (& very much unsuspecting) world ???

Are we headed towards human sacrifice ?

Dogs and cats living together ?!?

Mass hysteria ?!?!?

Yes, this could very well be our Judgment Day.



Let’s see what the Newsies are saying:

Hmmm…

- Naked guy’s kissing wish surprises George Clooney

- Obama gives Stay-In-School-Kids-Speech, Republicans horrified

- Holy monolith used as public toilet by tourists

WTF, that’s it ???

This isn’t exciting, juicy, end-of-the-world news. It’s just your average news crap of the day !



Just goes to show that even special dates happen on ordinary days…


It’s A $mall World… After All !

September 1, 2009 by Eluria

Many WTFs were uttered across the I-net (& in real life) when it became known that…



WTF ?



Yes, as you’ve no doubt heard / read by now… comic book publisher Marvel has been taken over by The Walt Disney Company.

:shock:

Although shocking news, Disney suits were quick to reassure us that nothing would change.



…YEAH RIGHT !



But don’t take my word for it, let’s take a looksie @ a little thing I like to call… Evidence.

You see, before Marvel, Disney got their slimy paws on another property with famous characters.

The Muppets !

Sounds great, right ? I mean, Disney is this big & powerful entertainment company & those loveable Muppets hadn’t been seen on weekly TV since the end of “Muppets Tonight” in 1998.

Now this particular takeover was back in 2004. Think carefully, have you seen (m)any Muppet projects on TV since ?

Yeah, neither have I.



But then again Spidey, the Fantastic Four & others are monthly comics, not weekly TV series, so what could possibly go wrong ?



WTF ?


Incompetence… Thy Name Is John Law

August 19, 2009 by Eluria

For some time now, my lovely neighbours have been doing… it.

Yes, IT.

Oh not everyday but certainly loud enough that everyone who lives nearby must’ve woken up to their “workouts” at least… oh, I don’t know… every time IT happens.

I type “woken up” because they always do IT around 4.

04:00 AM that is.

Just around the time when you’re supposed to be well on your way to Dreamland, these… sounds begin to emerge from their bedroom & you realize it is no nightmare but reality.



@ 1st, long ago, I thought a woman was being hurt.

Hurt BAD.

Seriously, it did not sound good.

Soon however, it became quite apparent that the cries of agony were actually something entirely different.



Anyway, 14 sleepless months later last night, after their latest exchange of bodily fluids, I had had enough !

Yes, I had reached my limit & realized that I had to do something about this matter.

It was time for action !

I decided I was going to call… the cops !



So, the following day (yes, during daytime) I phoned them up & told this officer that my neighbours had been making loud noises late at night.

The officer’s reply you ask ?



Is this happening now ?

:roll:



Unable to ignore the idiocy of the remark I somehow still managed a calm “No, it’s daytime now“.

Then came the dreaded question.

What kind of noises are they making ?

So, I had no choice but to name IT.

Now, that was pretty awful but then came the officer’s reply…



Oh, but sex isn’t forbidden.



You know, it’s funny that just when you think life can’t possibly get any worse… it suddenly does.

But wait, there’s more…

A little later I had to endure “Is it the boinking of their bed or sexual voices ?

@ this point I laughed out loud & asked the officer if he was being serious.

He was.

So, I went with option #2 & got told that they’d send someone over to talk to them… sometime.



Yeah, I sure showed those fucking neighbours of mine !

:(